One of the reasons I'm so grateful for this blog is because it gives me/us an opppurtunity to speak and vent. I mean let's face it, life happens. And I don't know about you, but it feels good to talk about. To say what you learned from it, how it effected you, what you could have done better, etc. And as much as life happens, there's one thing that you can't really prepare yourself for, the death of a loved one. This year, we've lost some pretty important people in my family. My cousin Connie died of breast cancer in July, our pianist ,Vanessa, from church who we were so close too and considered family died suddenly and unexpectedly in September. And to put the icing on the cake, my cousin/GodSister, Cherish, lost her battle with leukemia in October at 18 years old (her 19th birthday is ironically today). That one really took me hard! Then we got home from celebrating her 18 years of life, to get word that my father-in-law is now suffering from late stages of lung cancer, and it's spread. My 1st reaction was, OK God! I can't question You because your will is perfect, and you don't make mistakes, BUT, I'm human, and this is ALOT! I was almost numb because so many people around me that I'm close too are transitioning, but my father-n-law?!?! I've known this man for 19 years being young and vibrant, and to now see him frail and in pain is a bit much, and to watch my husband and his family try to take it all in.
Not to mention, in my mind, I didn't think that Lowell and I would have reached this point in our marriage where our parents would start getting sick like this. I mean, to us, they're still young, but in reality, they're getting older. But where do I stand in all of this?
And that's when I told myself (or the Holy Spirit whispered it), you don't have a choice BUT to be strong. You are going to have to carry your family through this. You have a husband who works so hard to keep a roof over your head and food on your table, he can't afford to break because he needs to lean on the little ounce of strength that you have left. You have 2 children who need you to empathize what it's like to watch their grandfather go through fighting cancer, and support them just like you needed support when you watched your grandmother go through the exact same thing. And furthermore, your mother, brother and sister in law NEED YOU!
So I say all that to say, life happens whether you like it or not. It is going to come at you. And yes, you're human. Its OK to grieve. It's ok to cry. Its OK to hurt. But the key is to not stay at that point. You've gotta get up, and ask God to take the little that you have and make it much. He created you, He placed joy in you that cannot be replaced. "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy."~Psalms 30:11
Gods will perfect. We may not understand what's going on, or why it's happening, but God does! And on top of that, God has the final say in every situation. Yes, doctors told my father in law he may only have 6 months to live, but God's plan may be different than what our circumstance looks like. Maybe he's got another year or even 10 years of life. Only God knows. "We may make our plans, but God has the last word."~Proverbs 16:1
And when He chooses to bring my father-in-law home, whenever that is, they'll be no more pain or suffering, COMPLETE physical AND spiritual healing!!! "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."~Revelation 21:4
In the meantime, I'll stand in the gap, to hold up, to pray, to encourage, to uplift, to minister, to crack jokes, to reminisce on good memories, and to be a shoulder to cry on for my husband and family. We're in this together. So I'll just be there for them in whatever capacity they need me to be.
