This was super hard for me in the beginning. I moved into my first apartment a few months before we got married. I lived there long enough to find a place for all of my things. I got organized. I got dishes, furniture, food. And then SHE moved in.
We dated for 7 years before we got married. We knew everything about each other. We didn’t live together before we got married. We had been on vacations together and were familiar with the way we each kept our living space/bedroom in our parents house. The interesting thing is that we grew up in 2 very different households. Chenee’s house was always tidy. I can never remember going over there and it was a mess. I on the other hand never woke up on Saturday mornings to loud music and house cleaning. We didn’t live in a cesspool of filth or anything but it wasn’t neat either. I remember many times cleaning my room by shoving absolutely everything under the bed.
Moving into my own place (even if it was only mine for a few months) helped me realize how much work it took to maintain a clean house and how my habits would have to change. Chenee would also come over all the time and helped out a ton (she did it all). But I was slowly being trained to put dirty clothes in a hamper, not in a pile on the floor, put dirty dishes in the sink, not just left on a counter or table, put the toilet seat down after I used the restroom, etc.
Mostly I was able to maintain a neat looking apartment because I didn’t have a lot of stuff. Then we got married and she moved in. So did her stuff. I no longer had clothes in my bedroom closet. My decorations went bye bye. The toilet seat was to always remain down or else. I couldn’t set a glass on a counter or table and walk away from it. I’m not kidding. I would get out a glass, fill it with ice, then fill it with coke, take one sip, go use bathroom, walk back into the kitchen and find my cup empty and in the sink. If I wasn’t holding my cup or within line of site of it she would put it in the sink.
Within a few days of her moving in, all of my possessions were relegated to the closet in the back bedroom. This was very hard for me. Growing up I didn’t have my own bedroom until I got into high school and decided to sleep on a cot in the garage. It felt amazing to have my own space for the short period of time I had it. Someday I will have my own space again. A man cave that no one else will have any input in. But I digress.
Learning to share space is about compromise. I’m not going to say it’s a one sided compromise but it feels like it. Women have more stuff. More clothes, more shoes, purses, more hats, more hygiene products, makeup, jewelry, seasonal decor, holiday decorations, bedsheets, coats, vacuum seal bags, luggage, childhood dolls, an assortment of pictures for the wall and some in case she wants to change them up, decorative pillows, serving dishes, fancy drink wares, table settings, even more shoes, rugs to keep in rotation, boxes of photos, candles and other scented accoutrements, kitchen appliances, plants (fake and real, which you will have to water), a bin for scrapbooking and so on.
Men, you need to learn to share space, because her idea of sharing space is allowing you to have the edge of one side of the bed and one dresser along with the closet space equivalent of 10 shirts and 2 jackets. You are also allowed to use the space under your side of the bed for shoes. But remember you only have the edge, as much space as you take up while lying on your side.
Yes I am exaggerating. Slightly. You get half of the bed. I don’t really have any tips other than take it slow and talk about it. I had never considered what would happen once she move in. Yes I am being funny and blowing it a little out of proportion but at the end of the day it’s all worth it. Hopefully you have time to figure out your rhythm before you add kids because they have a lot of stuff too, and it’s constantly being replaced along with all of your stuff that they break. And yes, 9 times out of 10 it’s dad’s stuff that gets broken because they know better than to mess with mom’s stuff.
Ephesians 4:2-3- 2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
