Sometimes I laugh at how silly arguments get. The best ones are when you agree but are arguing as if you don’t because you don’t understand each others point of view or opinion. You’re communicating, but you’re doing a poor job of it.
We touched on a lot of miscommunication issues yesterday on not seeing eye to eye, and have brought up the importance of communication repeatedly. We must think it’s important.
Well friends, I suck at it. I don’t pick up on hints, I don’t get it when she says it plain, I don’t talk about issues I have, or ask for help with correcting something. I don’t like to talk about feelings, or emotions, or anything I can’t qualify objectively. I get frustrated and defensive and I turn into a huge A-Hole.
She likes to talk about issues, problems, feelings, worries, and such. I can see her frustration when trying to get me to engage in the discussion. It usually takes a few tries but she is persistent and eventually we talk through whatever is bothering her. Generally I only make things worse for a while by getting defensive and making stupid remarks but once I get a few deep breaths in, my problem solving instincts kick in and we work through it.
I imagine it’s like that for lots of couples, or I’m just a bigger A-Hole than I thought. The main thing is patience and persistence. You can’t stop the discussion until everybody understands what was to be communicated. Don’t get frustrated if someone is asking questions, they are not questioning you as a challenge necessarily, they may be trying to understand you in their own way.
Like with most things, you only get better by doing it. Talk through things. If it’s really hard, find a good counselor or therapist. Communication is probably my biggest weakness and that sucks because it is the basis for just about everything, unless you are a hermit that lives in the mountains. Just know that you love each other and you can get through talking about stuff.
James 1:19-20 (KJV) 19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
